I created a livejournal wedding blog, because I deeply miss livejournal but nothing much more eventful happens in my life than wedding planning and school work. I'm combining both.
Feel free to delete me on this one, or refrain from adding the other one if you expect many general entries - this is taking all of my time.

I'm okay with not being a likable person, I like myself. That's what matters I'm told.
I'm convinced that I have not let anyone get "under my skin" in over a year, absolutely convinced of it..
Just like I am in the fact that one day my mother will learn to text message.

I have a strong feeling that I will vomit within the next hour, or maybe the hour after that.
I cannot be certain, because my body hates me and is very unpredictable as of late. Very.
I have more bruises than I can count on two hands - legs, arms, neck and foot - my body is not functioning properly, I'm back to being clumsy.
Vitamin C is popped like skittles, and it still refuses to team up with me against the world.
I don't know what the deal is, and I'm not a huge fan of doctors. He stares at me like I'm crazy and gives the "Are you preggers?" look every time. "I'm not, sir. See that huge array of blood tests you've taken the last 'ump-teen' times? They confirm that I am not. Don't look at me like that!!"

Wedding planning is going fantastically. Unfortunately, all of my 'right-hand-men' are missing in action this weekend, when the large
Toronto Bridal Show is taking place.
My fiance is wonderful, and insisted that he has the day off, so he'd come with me. I protested, because I know he likes his involvement but not in that large capacity. There's another large one in January, so I've already made further arrangements with all of my ladyloves to book off work / skip school / break any other engagements, so we can go.
I'm not selfish, I'm just commanding. They graciously accepted their invitations into the bridal party, their fault, they will feel my wrath.

Anyways, I haven't had much time with the boy the last couple of days..
So I'm going to chuck him on the couch and do what we do best.
I apologize, inappropriate details are my specialty.

My mom's best friend passed away this morning,
and I've been crying all day.
My thoughts cannot be put into words, and I cannot really process much more than "Oh my god..".
This is going to be tough to get through.

Rest in Peace, Auntie Gale.
You'll be missed, but not forgotten.

The weather is getting chilly, and I am embracing it. Embracing to the point of wearing a scarf, even when it's still in the mid-twenties.
Celcius, that's how we roll.
But the trees outside my bedroom window are in the midst of sporting some yellow and orange, and I could not be more ecstatic.

Michael and I went for a nice little walk to grab some coffee, when I glanced at the high school and noticed a shitload of skanky adolescents.
It popped into my head "Oh, they're back in school already? No, registration", closely followed by "Shit. Summer is almost gone." and then "That means I have to start school soon too".

I'm relieved, as I picked out my classes a few hours ago. I waited until the last minute, seriously -- but still managed to scrape into the classes I wanted. Crystal (my cousin/brother's fiance) had picked out her classes at York U like WEEKS ago, and for some reason it didn't pop in my head, despite the university letters that have been sent to me the last few weeks. I have to wait for second semester for Veterinary Terminology, though. Damn, shit, fuck. Already bought that book.

Michael is ridiculously proud that I'm paying for school myself this year, and will be working.
I've always had my parents to lean on to pay for my education, and my books, and my rent, and any extra spending money that I've needed.
I'm one of the only children in our family to have "big dreams" and follow that path with expensive tuition fees, so I've been spoiled.
Again, growing up, growing up. I'm not a huge fan -- and I will counter all of this with some Super Mario Bros... NOW.

I am this close to pulling the plug.
This close.

Sometimes the things you think make you happy make you miserable,
it's just all a matter of when, where and why you find that out.

Trivial sibling dilemmas are beyond me. I truly do not know where my brother's head is, or why he insists on being so antagonistic towards my relationship, but I do know that one more incident and he's out of my wedding party.
This threat is open-ended, because I don't believe he cares either way, but I do.
Arghhhhhh ------xghdkfjg.

I have been reading far too much. I read all day, and then I entice Michael into playing a video game with me, just so I can get un-interested and continue to read without him being bored, and I read for the remainder of the night.
We go to bed, I allow him to fall asleep, and then I turn on my lamp and continue. Four books, three nights.
"I feel like I'm re-enhancing myself, it helps me improve my grammar and vocabulary, and if I read Harry Potter, I even feel like I'm a witch!!"
He laughs. I laugh.

We have his friends coming over for Summerslam (I'm pretty sure people stopped actually watching wrestling when it went from WWF to WWE, but whatever!) on Sunday, so I've been cleaning like a fiend.
Not that my house is that messy, but things like pulling out my fridge and stove to clean and mop behind, and scrubbing all the windows - inside and outside - take more time and effort than I have on a regular basis. But seeing as how most of these people have not been over before, I'm determined to make my house sparkle. I will Ooh and Ah them, despite the fact that a few of them dislike me.
Puzzling, I know! Just some people don't like bubbles, rainbows and unicorns...
Well I do.

My body today feels like it's in pieces. I blame myself, I have been eating far too unhealthy.
I tell my mother "I know I look good, but I want to drop a few pounds before my wedding" and Michael yells "you're beautiful the way you are!".
I smile, and my mother says "He's a black man, he just doesn't want you to lose that ass!"
They get along great, really. In fact, I'm usually the one to bring up the fact that he acts like an oppressed black man every time he has a complaint about the way I act towards him. But the hilarity in the fact that my mother just says it like it is makes me love them both so much more.

Back to my body.
My boobs are overly large, which hurt my back. (I actually got approached by a former fellow student, saying that it was ridiculous for my parents to allow me to get implants....huh?)
THEN I eat unhealthy food which hurts my stomach.
When my stomach hurts so much this causes me to get a headache.
When I have a headache, I cry, which makes my eyes sting.
It's this goddamn hurtful chain reaction -- which can only be solved by two things.
....
Healthy eating and a boob reduction.
Done!

A. I'm utterly perplexed at the weather -- my summer heat is coming in August, and will most definitely last throughout September at this point. Huh? My autumn is going to be cut far too short, and I will indeed be cranky.

B. Sickening amounts of in love cause me to go swimming with my boy, straddling his 'man-business', and kissing him like crazy. Children present. I should never be let out in public, especially with him in tow. It lands me in awkward and/or strange situations.

C. Half the time of this weekend, I felt like I wanted to cry big, heavy, heartfelt tears. My mother's best friend (whom I've called "Auntie" since I was about 7) is in a very "grim" situation. She's had cancer far too many times, and at this point there is "no more they can do for her". She's bed-ridden, on oxygen and morphine, and it breaks my heart. I stared far too many times at their empty cottage this weekend, and I felt hollow and empty. It doesn't help that my Wedding Guest List has makeup(ed) tear stains on it, when I wrote their names down and had the sad realization that nine chances out of ten, she won't be around to attend in well over a year.

D. It's 1:30 in the morning, and we decided to drive home at midnight, so I'm ready for bed -- well you know, the good loving, and then bed.
Tata!



 

My darling livejournal, I forget to write in you.
But please understand that my life revolves around wedding planning, my best friend lives in Korea, and the only supportive person right now is Michael's best friend (and best man)'s girlfriend Chelsey, who is now most definitely being integrated into my wedding party.

Thus far, I have a huge dream and I'm hoping on my father's account, a large budget. We haven't REALLY discussed that yet - we need to.
I have picked out a huge portion of everything, and I need wheels to turn and things to start forming.
Finished is a guest list, a wedding party selection, and colours. Left to do is everything. I don't know how people do this for a living, it's stressful, but I want to do it on my own. It's that whole "in control" thing that I have, and when I try to allow Michael's ideas to count, I get frustrated and automatically assume he's wrong or just being irrational and dumb.
If I were him, I'd be crazy irritated, but he puts up with it and smiles. Now I know why I'm marrying him.
Although he could just be putting up with it because I'm killer in bed, right?

In an off-wedding-topic... My apartment has come together.
Walls are still not painted, because "it's the time to do it all" he says. He's not a painting prodigy - I am reminded this often!
But everything else is in, and our living room set-up is spectacular. Any surface you sit on, you can see the TV beautifully, this is what we wanted to achieve. We did.

I have nothing else to write.
I'm going to be irritating and make a large wedding post of the things I have organized in an orderly manner.
I will force you to be part of my wedding, friends. Opinions are helpful!

PS. Emmanuel, you're awesome and I miss you! Come watch Spectacular Spider-Man with me!

Today, whilst digging through piles of childhood memories to locate home videos (which my mother stupidly hid SOMEWHERE, and we cannot locate them ..URGH!), we came across a shitload of my Barbie toys.

When I was a child, I was spoiled (not much has changed, won't lie!). My mother wanted me to collect Barbies, so they would buy me the same doll twice. One to play with, and one to save, un-opened, and to be displayed around my room. Towards the end of my childhood, where Barbies weren't my "thing", my mother took them all and decided to keep them for a "rainy day". A rainy day to which I later discovered to mean granddaughter, but whatever.

Out of curiosity, I Ebay-ed a few of the Barbie dolls from 1990-1994 when I was an avid collector, and a few popped up with estimated values of $799 ranging to $75. Either way, instead of collecting dust, they would be making me extra money to save and/or spend. The issue with this, is my mother is very sentimental, and the fact that she wanted to save them for a grandchild, and for me to just sell them online to some stranger will not please her in the slightest.

SO NOW - I have to devise a plan to attain these dolls, sell them over the internet, and not hurt her feelings.
Maybe I can offer her a cut? ;)
 

My baby Mitzi turned one on July 10th, urgh.
I spent half the day crying, because I was hormonal and all in all, devastated.
How I'm ever going to watch the same thing happen to an actual child, I'm absolutely and utterly stumped.
In case you're wondering - I don't think that will be happening soon.
In fact I think my doctor is being inappropriate and making me play this waiting game to ensure I start taking my birth control regularly... I hope! He makes comments like "I've been your doctor since you were born, the thought of you having sex and possibly having a child of your own makes me feel older than I am!".
Oh doctor.. you make me smile and want to beat you down in the same second-and-a-half.

I am currently celebrating a 'one year anniversary'! Woo, congratulate me, this is big.
I've also come to the conclusion that we've been moving fast, but am very much happy about it and not at all afraid.
Congratulate me again, THAT is bigger.
I think he has rid me of my commitment-phobia garbage. Lie, I'm entirely certain.
This is where I would do the robot, if I could.

I'm also starting a new job as of August at a veterinary clinic that is a little bit of a "commute", and by "commute" I mean an hour MISSION to get to said animal hospital. Thank the lord that the distance is the only con. Great co-workers (some of which I have worked with before) and good money without over-working and having a cranky fiance to come home too, sold!

My life is on a constant rise, I'm kind of scared of any downfalls from here on out.
Keep me positive ;)

Another weekend away is coming at a perfectly lovely time, really.
Michael is off to Ottawa for a handful of days - 4, to be exact - so I slapped my father in the back (I’m such a sweet and kindred soul), and informed him I would be accompanying he and my mother to the cottage this weekend.
And my brother and his lady love, woo.

Oh right, I haven’t gotten to the point of why it’s a perfectly lovely time.
I don’t know how to put things into words when I know my boyfriend will read and do the “freak out”.
Urgh. Let’s just say a former weak spot with a deliciously strong English accent, and enough life and work experience to refer to himself as a “musician” decided to immediately Facebook-chat me when I came online a few days ago.
He just recently moved back to Barrie (where a large quantity of my family members reside), and he wanted to catch up.
I’m most definitely the biggest hag ever for talking to him, and even more so for private messaging him to make sure he was having a good week.
Why Candace, why?

The wording was even more grotesque:
“You don't call, you don't write. What's going on here?
I hope you're having a fairly decent week back in your old stomping grounds,
nothing has changed since you left - are you really surprised in the slightest?
I'm off to the cottage until Sunday, so have a great weekend.
Drinks earlier part of next week?...Or I could make it PG, coffee?
Let me know :)”

…I am most definitely going to hell.
And I love my boyfriend with every inch of my soul, but the recent rough patch isn’t doing my battered and bruised ego much help. It needs a little stroking.
… I took that in the perverted way too. Yep, definitely going.

Have a lovely weekend, b words <3
& Michael, I love you.

Thanks to my cousin (and neighbour), I am borderline dying.
An exaggeration of sorts, definitely - but the boy and I have been coughing, sniffling, gagging and sometimes (only on two occasions), vomiting.
I'm such a baby, but I hate being sick.

Citric acid is delicious, doctors don't know shit.
Michael is taking me to see Transformers - more than meets the eye.
Toronto has issued an Extreme Heat Alert, I am going to F'ing boil, like a lobster.

This weekend..
- I walked around, it rained and I cried - I’m dainty.
- I shared a poutine with my best friend, it sucked - new people taking over a restaurant and cooking food we’ve eaten since we were 5 WRONG? Not pleased.
- I sat with my cousin while Michael and my best friend Samantha went for a walk and a heart-to-heart. He’s got a thumbs up for the proposal, yikes.
- I drank far too much.
- I realized my alcohol tolerance has certainly gone down, but kept drinking.
- I vomited, as my best friend laughed and said “Ohhh Candace”, and my boyfriend held my hair and informed me that I needed to learn to chew my food better - LOL.
- I was in bed with my boyfriend, and my parents insisted we slept in separate quarters. “MOM, WE LIVE TOGETHER - WE SLEEP TOGETHER EVERY NIGHT.. DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD I AM?!”… “Candace - follow rules.”.. Oi vey, I really DO love my crazy mother.
- Woke up & watched old sweaty men play horseshoes - Total turn on, yeah?
- Drove home with the boy without getting completely lost and frazzled. I’ve been going there since I was 6, the same exact drive every weekend, but I was still proud of myself.

I was reading some Cosmo via online when I came across "aphrodisiac foods", and decided for a read.
Most I snickered at - we're aware bananas are phallic-shaped, but I can eat one without thinking it's a penis and getting turned on, so what the fuck is that?
And then I read this thing about watermelons - The juicy fruit contains the phytonutrient citrulline, which leads to an uptick in the amount of nitric oxide in your body. That spike causes blood vessels to relax and speeds up circulation. As a result, you'll get more aroused in less time.
Which if true, can certainly explain my exceedingly high sex drive, as I eat like quarter of a full watermelon a day.
Mmm it's delicious, and my boyfriend spoils me with fruit on a daily basis.

I am now procrastinating on cleaning the house and packing for the cottage.
I'm going up with my parents, and Michael is going to come up after work on Saturday.

I just really want to see my best friend, and drink so much that I cannot stand -- and then perhaps eat some watermelon and see what happens next ;)

Have a good weekend, sweethearts.
Stop cheating on your significant others.